we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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