We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
