Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
