Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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