how can u be prego again
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
