He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
