So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
