i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
