My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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