we're blogging at a bar
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
