Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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