Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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