i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
