I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Soap is not a condiment
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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