I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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