Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
