nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
