You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
