my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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