yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
