i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
