Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
