This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
