the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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