Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
