I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
