just come out here and I will go home with you...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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