Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My pussy is not your playground.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
