dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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