Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I touched a dick in church today
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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