the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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