In the future we'll all be gay
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
