I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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