my mouth tastes like poor choices
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
