my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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