When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
