so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
