and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
