I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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