i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize