She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
