so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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