Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
