nut hugger
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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