Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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