I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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