I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
