it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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