i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
a search helicopter?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
