Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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