So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
