lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
