so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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