Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
