i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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