Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize