Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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