like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
