Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
