Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize