This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
