If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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