I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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