so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
