So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
