tell your sister to shave her snatch
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
