phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Pooping to opera.
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