i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
