I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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