so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
