first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
