Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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