I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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