Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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