Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
