paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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