She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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