I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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