next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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