then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize