I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
