I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is classic penis vs brain.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
