I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
