Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
