im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
