My balls are so social today.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
