i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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