Non-Jews are for practice
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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