I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When are your genitals available?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
