You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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